Trauma in Religion






Trauma in Religion

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Trauma in Religion





The Lifelong Trauma of a Catholic Childhood

A real life encounter with the Catholic coverup of child sexual abuse

We came forward to the Royal Commission so that children would never experience what we did.

We were promised support "Before, during and after"

The cost of that has been too great for far too many as the support has proven to be be scarce, conflicted, inappropriate and harmful to many who no longer seek or want involvement with religion.

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More recollections

Refuge at the convent simply turned into an opportunity for nuns to sexually abuse myself and another young girl (MM) whose family took her away or moved away as a result of her being abused at around the same time I was.

Herbie and mum took me to the convent where Herbie challenged them. Their response was to proclaim mock shock and mock horror and to then posit me as in need of special attention. That special attention was to sexually abuse me as well as to physically abuse me.

Tied up and forced to eat my own faeces

Mum was unsure of what was happening until Ann was summoned to pick me up and take me home. I had been placed on the concrete pathway at the side gate from the backyard of the convent. I had been tied and was covered in my own shit from head to toe, I was not able to walk as I had been tied and held in the woodshed for some time. Ann somehow got me to a tree in the middle of the road and then when she could not get me to go any further she said that she had had enough and set off to get mum.

Mum arrived with a baby on her hip. I wanted her to pick me up and to carry me home. She told me to wait and headed off back home while I lay there crying. She came back with a billycart and put me in it and wheeled me down to the tap at the back of the house where she hosed me and herself down and joked with and squirted me in the face with the hose until I was able to laugh with her. It was this event I feel that prompted her to make arrangements with Herbie so that I could go to his house as a safe place away from Robert.

I was deemed "special" by the nuns and was set to task of fixing fires, putting wood on fires, bringing wood in and going to pick up bread and more from the shops as well as gathering eggs - much of these "duties" were during school time. At some point mum spoke with Mrs Tosh (my god mother) as her son Peter was joining a seminary and Mrs Tosh asked him if there was anything he could do. He was not able to effect anything apparently (I am not sure if those events fit here or at a later point in time.


At age 3 ½ years I was sent to spend the day in the care of the nuns who ran the school at the convent because I was being bullied by my older brother Bob. I remember playing under the house with the little girl from next door - she was the daughter of refugees from Western Europe. We were playing mud pies when my father came to the door under the house. He asked where Robert was. I pointed to the cubby house under the bathroom. Dad walked in and opened the door. Robert and the woman from next door were in there. Robert had no pants on. My father went ballistic and Bob was severely punished. Bob blamed me for his problem and he has continued that throughout my lifetime.

Mum arranged for me to go to the convent for my own protection from Bob. His bullying seemed endless to me and my mother was so distraught by this that she made arrangements for me to go to the convent where I was supposed to be safe from Bob - add emails to Patrick - nuns waiting, handshake, kneeling on firewood, two nuns and a priest while two ran by and watched. Herbie stopped things that were happening - don't know how big I was that time when Herbie carried me home to his place. I know I had long school socks and shoes on and a school shirt. This was one of those times when I did not want to be me. In this time frame I was tied up - tell of Ann and mum taking me home after I bit them.

I first learnt to smoke cigarettes at age 3.5 because I was given cigarettes by the nuns who had tied me up and buried me in the wood shed. Being given a cigarette was a signal that I was soon going to be released and let go. I was tortured and I was threatened into being silent about the incident with nuns and priest in the convent. I was made personally responsible for the safety and eternal salvation of my family by the religious terror that I was subjected to.

Abused, tied up and tortured by nun and priest

3.5yrs of age at the convent I was instructed to do many jobs, including bringing in wood, the setting and lighting of fires and cleaning out the ashes. I was tasked with bringing groceries up from the shops in the main street to both the convent and the presbytery. On one occasion I said to a nun that what she was doing was wrong - sexually abusing me. I said that I would tell my father. She responded by telling me that I would be responsible for my father being thrown into the fires of hell. The same would happen to my mother and then each of my brothers and sisters. I would have to watch them burn over and over again and I would be the cause of it.

I was tied by the hands and feet and carried by a priest into the woodshed where he and the nun buried me in wood. At the same time they spoke about snakes and spiders in the wood heap and they threatened me with hell and punishment if I spoke a word of what had happened to anyone outside the convent.

Beaten over the head with a piece of wood and made to kneel on firewood rough side up 4 or 5 yrs old

I recall having to put wood into the kitchen stove in the convent and bring in more firewood. I dropped the armful down too heavily and made a noise apparently. An old nun took a piece of firewood and beat me over the head with it. As I fell I tried to grab a hold of something. In that process I knocked the pots that were on the stove over and onto the floor. I had to pick it all up, clean up the mess and then she made me kneel on the rough side of the firewood. This was one of the first times in my life where I lost focus on time because the pain was so excruciating. I was told that I had to endure that so that my mother and father and family would not be sent to hell.

Being found regularly by local priest for "touching" little girls 3 to 5 years old I have some brief recollections about what he was wearing only

Crying in corner of room in convent - priest comes in to talk - suggests we shake hands on his deal and when I did he had me and I was tied up - I spoke to Patrick of the lifelong effects that had on me.

School uniform - tied up in the wood shed my head held back and they were trying to force shit into my mouth and I bit - I was put outside the side gate. My sister Ann came to get me - she dragged me as far as the gum tree in the middle of the road there and left - I was covered in faeces. My mother came, she had a baby on here hip and I wanted her to pick me up and to carry me; she said she was not able as she had the baby to carry so she took my hand and walked me home. She sent me around the back to the outside tap under the bathroom, she came and hosed me down while I stripped off. _ can relate a part of our conversation here )

I was sexualized at a very early age, I was repeatedly brought home by a priest who would tell the story that he found me playing "rudies" with little girls. I received many hidings from my father for this. I was branded as something strange because of it.

Branded accident prone by nuns and priests to cover for the beatings starting school at 4 through to leaving school at 14 I was deemed to be accident prone as I would often come home with bruises and complaints of being hit by the nuns or priest. When questioned the nuns and priests would say that I was accident prone and a liar. In private they would threaten me with burning in hell and repeatedly told me that I would be responsible for the death of my father and family.

Events at presbytery watching. I also had to collect eggs and bring in wood at the presbytery. I was made to sit in an armchair and watch the nun and priest engage in sexual activity – I describe this as insane stuff.

Chores and jobs for nuns, convent, priests, presbytery, altar boy.

I was coerced into becoming an altar boy. There was no choice in that - death and eternal punishment awaited me if I did not comply.

1952 (possible 1953)

Start of school On my first day at school I encountered one of the nuns. I recall several names however I cannot be sure of which name fits which nun) who had abused me in the convent. She regularly made me come to the front of the class and would pull my head and face into her crotch where she dry humped herself to sexual gratification while claiming that I was possessed by the devil and needed to be held close to her.

Bullying by my brother Robert became worse

This was at 3.5 years of age. Mum arranged for me to go to Herbie's Kemp's place as a place of refuge. I was firstly sent for my own protection tot he convent – it was after events there that my mother made arrangements for me to find safety with Herby Kemp. My life was much safer here.. I was also sent to Hauser's place (Murrindindi) when mum went to hospital to have another baby (possibly Irene or Anthony) so that Robert would not be able to get at me while mum was away).

Events in bedroom at convent.

I was tied strongly be the feet until my legs and feet went numb, they used the cord of a dressing gown to tie my legs just above the ankles. My hands were tied on one occasion with a mans neck tie, I was gagged on one occasion that I recall with a tea towel stuffed and tied into my mouth) and raped. I had to perform sexual actions on the nun using a bottle, rosary beads and a crucifix. I was tied and when the priest arrived he raped me.

Is it truly plausible that people can be compromised and kept in a perpetual state of fear from early childhood and on through all of adulthood today as a result of childhood indoctrination? Surely their Human Rights will have been breached if that is the case.

John Brown the author and publisher was born in Yea Victoria 3717 on 27 December, 1948. John grew up in Yea, he went to the Catholic school and then a final year at Yea High. He undertook an apprenticeship as a Hand and Machine Compositor/Linotype Mechanic at the local newspaper The Yea Chronicle. He left Yea ...... read more

Living with Human Rights Abuses in Australia in 2017 #TraumaTheory Chapter 1 - More recollections

Human rights for Catholic children exist only if they remain bonded through the abusive practices of a culture with the longest history of war, rape, genocide and child abuse humanity has ever encountered.

Human rights do not exist in the Catholic religion unless the perceived rights of gods, demons, angels, devils, poltergeists and a myriad of other mythical creatures and superstitions are met to the satisfaction of those traumatically bonded to Catholicism through their own abusive childhood experience

"Catholicism creates an environment where the child must bend and fold to the experience and the child must distort and fracture its own personality simply so that it may survive in the environment in which it finds itself" JohnB