The inability of a child to thrive in a Constitutionally protected God based perpetual threat and rape culture is not a fault of the child; however it does become their odious responsibility upon reaching adulthood.
"A Cultural Hegemony is not Normal, nor is it Natural. Natural men seeking Healing weild more power than men in Dagon Fish Hats - Exploring the connections of DiD, Trauma and Religion"
Tuesday, 24 August 2021 6:03:18 PM
I got started on the following as a distraction from the reintegration of so much and so I thought OK don't let that b get at you. So I wrote the following error free and dropped my first inline, in rhythm comma keystroke and than stopped at this point wondered what had happened. From the comma to the last 'e' in time it took me 19 keystrokes to fix the errors I had made. That was some feat given that I was only after 10 characters. What could have caused that? Did I miscount the key strokes counting each time I used CTRL+Y; I got 19 that way to get back to the comma. I half knew I was muffing it but my impulse was to keep going and to fudge it if I had to. A bit like experiencing yourself in slower motion.
I was a bit peeved earlier in the day when I realizes I had not ordered more Dandilion root coffee looking hot drink which I swapped over to on the first day. I did have a 3 minute tension headache on the third day and felt that was unusual as I don't normally experience those much these days. What is it with the Lion thing? Lions Mane and Dandy Lions = a good combination and more relaxed and noticing more about myself as more pieces of my life come back together.
"It feels like another of those conundrums gets to come back to haunt you, only this time"
What could have caused that? Well a lot of things are possible when you are reprocessing your own trauma and that can gives you an insight at times into your past life and sometimes that can include the past lives of others that you had gotten to know and understand well and thoughts of commas are no longer evident.
I was trying to blame to comma when in fact when I come back after the few minutes it takes to create a new page reread and get a touch like I did before when I used b as I did before. What popped into my mind was the sound of a double b and acknowledged it wondered should I come back and link it and was yes with at. I then went back after setting up a new page read it again and got a nudge again from that unsupported, stand alone b in the middle of the sentence. It somehow crashed my order. All of this of course is a distraction from having to sort out something you had not known much about, but you sure had an interest to be reading everything you can find on the topics that eventually lead to a better understanding of my own trauma and there are parallels with others in various ways..
I met a fellow recently; he told me often about how he didn't care about what people say. He was doing so well and yet clung like a cringing Catholic and invited himself to pop over so that we could be best mates. He had written many books an had accused many high government officials. Some of those must have spent more of their career time at secret, covert, satanic meetings in remote bush land. He was openly selling himself as well the bearer of important news. He had all the inside information and he personally went on an accidental bishop and cardinal meeting spree, meeting every influential cardinal in Rome possibly; somehow I wasn't taken with the same values as this guy.. Ken had spoken of moments like that where the guy in the white robes was Benny and that guy being pushed away at back is the guy I met yesterday; he just wants to be a big ftraud just like the guy inthe white robes.
Ken had said to me that I needed to listen to what he knew on stuff like that. So I said "Tell me Ken".
Ken told me of another occasion on going to Sunday Mass in his local Catholic Cathedral in San Diego. Ken would ride there on his bike in his Sunday work shirt and he would walk into the Cathedral and begin weeping. Ken said he had dropped nearly a whole box of tissues along the way. He said stopped just before the altar as there was a bit of space for everyone to come together in a group hug and prayer for Ken's healing as that was all he had come for.
Ken said they all joined arms and embraced one another and some danced with joy at Ken's magical recovery, so they danced and hugged and squeezed and prayed but Ken was still sad and crying again.
"What now" some cried Ken said. Ken told me he needed to know if they were real Catholics or just general Catholics. Ken had the perfect way to determine that and a perfect piece of logic to back that up. It was really simple and he could on demand get a repeat any time someone wanted to donate enough to his charity causes.
So Ken began to cry again and they all huddled in to hug him close and Ken said that all the homeless people were what was making him sad and he wanted everyone to give him $5 so he could go and but them all some lunch.
By Ken's reasoning he had met a bunch of real Catholics who would rather give their money to the bishops to help with covering up clergy child sex crimes instead of the hungry and the homeless. He said in reality it was about asking for something that the victims reality need and will do well if they have enough to get themselves off the street; but he knew that real Catholics knew it was different than that and they just can't give something to people when they have done so much to disadvantage them its like a sin to them.
It is not a nice place to be in when you understand something for yourself and realize that would likely have the same beneficial effect on someone else who thinks that all their ills stem from my person. So many bad memories from that - being powerless to stop it at the time and realizing after years of reading and therapy you get to recover from the shock of something that had become a blockage without you knowing it. The thought goes through your head that it is possible and more than likely that an incident in a Mt Gravatt carpark when a guy presented with a hand gun and she turned and walked away. Well that was the I am all armoured up story; it's not until you have held them until they are ready to stand for them self that you now realize that that piece of trauma was never addressed, and that that was projected with horrible outcomes on to the wrong people, and I am informed that the problem is all solved as the problem has now been identified as being from her parents. I will get to pay an hourly rate for all that time wasted as she only wants at this stage to get close enough to grab whatever it is that she thinks she needs for her survival. If I was as capable as I am depicted I would be happy to pay her a million or two a year to keep that end going while I made two for her one selling my end of it.
What do you do with that sort of knowledge?
It was meeting that guy that brought all that back on; Ken would likely have a better war way of handling it than I did. I think my way is more permanent.
Maybe someone slipped something into my Dandilion
coffee black looking hot drink.
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